This Newf Reviews!

Alright Dogs! Are you ready for this week's This Newf Reviews? Because it's ready for you, baby!

THIS NEWF REVIEWS: HENRIETTA THE (VEGAS SHOWGIRL) RUBBER CHICKEN


We first met Henrietta at Paw Palace here in Red Bank, where my papa bought her for me over my mama's eye-rolling disapproval.

It wasn't that she was worried that Henrietta was not safe, despite the fact that she is indeed a rubber chicken and most dogs could disembowel her without even trying, (Wally I am lookin' at you!), it was that Henrietta made a truly horrible squealing noise when squeezed, dropped, or given a harsh glare. Okay that last part is an exaggeration but not by much. I'm not a heavy chewer of dog toys - all of my stuffies only get injured during tug-of-newf, not from me attacking them so she thought Henrietta would not go the way of the dodo due to newfy nibbling. But the sound! Egads the SOUND!

Naturally, I was thrilled. Anything that sounds like I am mortally wounding it when I give a chomp is fantastic in my opinion, and Henrietta overacts like a blonde male model given a guest spot on the Young and the Restless. (haroo roo!)

Here's her picture:

Ain't she a sexy chick? (Oh doG imagine the google searches I'll be getting now...)

Company Standards: Unfortunately I cannot figure out who the heck makes Henrietta so you will have to settle for their sales pitch which should at least give you an idea of the sort of people you're dealing with.

"There's a new chicken in town! Henrietta is a very hormonal, range free, boneless latex squeaker toy. She contains no MSG and has been de-feathered for canine pleasure! Poly filled latex. 9-1/2" long."

Size and Portability: Henrietta actually comes in two sizes - the 9 1/2" and a 17 1/2". She also comes in multiple personalities (haroo!) including the standard bathing suited Henny, a Playboy Bunny Henny, and she ALSO has a boyfriend named Earl who looks like the sort of chicken you might find on a New Jersey beach. (Trust us, we know).

She is very portable, provided you do not mind your luggage squealing when investigated by airline officials. But what is a trip overseas without a full cavity search, right? And just WAIT until the K9 unit shows up...

The real joy of Henrietta comes when two dogs contest over her - my Airedale friend Niko cannot get enough of Henrietta - his mama had to go buy him his own because he kept trying to sneak mine out of my house during playdates. They call her HennyPenny and he sleeps with her every night in his crate. Which I am sure is very obnoxious if he happens to roll over onto her. Despite being a terrier Niko has not destroyed his Henrietta either, which leads me to believe that some chickens always come out on top.

Still, This Newf Reviews does not recommend Henny for a heavy chewer or a dog that enjoys laying around picking apart their toys. Supervised play is encouraged.

Drool-o-Meter Rating*: I give Henrietta a Two-Slinger. She's a special bird, what else can I say?

*Newfy Drool-o-Meter Key:

Dry Mouth: Zero interest or appreciation for the item in question - not worth drooling over.
Minicicles: Just the tiniest hint of a droolcicle starting at either corner of the mouth. Drool worthy? Barely.
One-Slinger: The treat is good - good enough to get the juices flowing but not so good that I would offer it as an aperitif on a first date with Sunshade.
Two-Slinger: Now we're talking! The drool is even, it's sling-able, and it has been earned.
Simultaneous-Ropes-to-the-Floor: The highest honor I, or any newf, can offer a treat or toy. So delicious and delightful that the drool flows like water.